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Take Your Dog to Work Day

Today would have been a Piperfect day to post, but I’ve been caught being lazy again – but not so lazy that I actually posted this earlier, and upon closer inspection, alas, it had not posted.

So, now I’m posting it again – and vis-a-vis, etc., yadda, all in all, and so forth, not that lazy!

#dogdaysofsummer

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Piper Mache

Learn how to Piper Mache in three easy steps!

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Step One: You’re going to want to get yourself a fine cup of coffee. Mmm mmm. Just can’t start your day without it. French pressed. Or Freedom pressed if you’re more of a K-cup man. Me – I just want it hot, but not too hot, ya know?

Okay, okay. You got me. Y’all came here to learn how to Piper Mache, so I will teach you how to Piper Mache.

The REAL Step One: Find yourself a nice graphite absorbing reconstituted pulverized tree particle delivery unit, pressed firm – now they can come in packs of singles OR, or you can get them fastened together with spiraled metal. Ah, the wonders of modern science.

Anyway, that takes us to Step

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Step Two is where the real action starts – where the meek become the mild – and things start to take shape, literally!

Right before your eyes, as you crumple those individual papers – (that’s what Step Two is: crumpling the papers) Anyway, I know you’re excited to see what’s next as indicated by the exclamation point at the end of this sentence!

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If you guessed Step Three, then someone’s in line for an honorary doctorate!

It’s Step Three!

Step Three is simply to complete the project. Oh, oh, oh and enjoy your Piper Mache. And your delicious, small batch, organic, freshly-ground home roast from the fine folks at Maxwell House. Our house is a very very very fine house. Enjoy that too. I know I did!

 

Legal

This is all proPipertary material and is only allowed to be used in conjunction with Piper Mache Enterprises: A Teaching for the Future Initiative, LLC and its affiliates.

ExPiperian

ExPiperian

Piper and the gents shut down their dark web browsers and start locking up their ExPiperian computers from deep within the underground: Basement Level 3.

Piper: “Now that we’ve successfully hacked every important number and maiden name in our competitor’s database, we can finally close up shop!”

Hentchman Gent #1: “But what about all of the kids who are just now getting credit scores?”

Piper: “Boot up the computers.”

PB&J

PB&J

Piper, Bench and Justice are now Judge, Jury and Executioner. Coming this fall to Fox.

This time the gavel’s coming down – on you criminals’ heads!

OctoPipers

octopipers

“In a totally original and absolutely new idea, an OctoPiper seems to be taking over the southern San Francisco Bay area.” said the newscaster. “More at 6.”

The Piperest Show On Earth

Step right up! Step right up. Come and see the great attraction!

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Ladies and germs, this may feel like just any old Piper post. But, ooo boy, I am here to Slash those illusions! Or is it allusions? [“Uh, why don’t you just look it up?” you say] Ah! What does it matter, I can’t hear you on this side of the screen anyway!

Alright, where was I? Again, rhetorical. There is no* way I could hear you. Right. Let me check my notes again. Ah, yes. So, in one of my previous occupational positions, [“What? Piper doesn’t get all her bills paid through blogging? Even though she begs for money or a sponsorship every five posts or so?” you ask credulously]…

Well, I said all of that to take you on a journey, really give you a chance to slow down and smell the roses. But then you had to say all of that stuff in the brackets, interrupting me, slowing us down even further. At least, this long form writing offers something for those of you, well, the two of you (Piper’s real owner and Mom), who have been there since the beginning to see how I’ve evolved as a writer (and how I don’t have to rely on puns for everything!**).

Woah. There I go rambling again. Just like in my darn tags. Like anybody will ever search up “There are exactly two types of jobs in Idaho” or “Name that bear stuff – there are 15!” and come across this little ol’ blog and get their yucks with my yums***.

So, long story short, that previous job I had introduced me to a writer friend who was crafting a story full of characters with intrigue and plot that involves action and adventure and maybe some mystery, and some character growth, and something about family I remember reading on his site, but it was a story that he wanted to share in a novel way: a book! And there I was, with my clearly superioristic artist ability (as shown via literally nearly every post on this site!), and clear mastery of the American-English language (including spelling and grammar), able to push pencils into lines and shapes.

And, so, with only this line and the little bit that goes to the next line as further ado, I did some early inspired artwork**** for him.

OfficeSpaceper

This is not a scene from his story, but a scene from that ever relatable Mike Judge tale, still relevant after all these years, starring the two main characters, Arnold and the Tower, as Peter and Lumbergh respectively.

In light of all of that, if you’re still here, first off, Kudos!, and second off, you should hop on over to his website, The Tower of Blue, and then probably get excited for his book!

And for you hipsters with your glasses and scarves who probably identify with Arnold and who also want to keep up, you can get updates via Twitter and Instagram.

Happy reading, happy keeping updated, and happy other stuff! If you don’t like my long, incoherent rambling form, it’s okay, I will only ever do this again if one of my movie scripts gets picked up by a major or minor studio or Netflix or any independent filmmaker.

P.S. My stuff is the stuff in pen drawn on notebook paper.

#content

*You could reply via video, but I probably wouldn’t watch it.

**Except that one where I said “Slash illusions.” And that other one further down where I did the old switcheroo with “novel.”

***Is this something those positive-thinkin’ people still say?

**** They were doodles.

Commissioner Paiper

Paiper

As your Federal Communications Commission Commissioner, and totally real human you guys, I just want to announce that this website you are currently viewing will never EVER* sell out to a higher media company that will change the content in any way that would delegitimize the truth that we represent.

Signed,

A. Paiper

A. Paiper is a subsidiary of Verizon Communications, LLC., Sinclair Broadcasting Inc., and sweet, delicious Reese’s peanut butter cups – what a great thing to eat any time.