Tail of the Tape


Fighting…out of the blue corner…standing at approximately two feet eight inches, Mad Dog Piiiperrr. Aaand her opponent fighting out of the red corner, in the first ever flora versus fauna extraaavaganza, standing five feet eleven inches, Mighty Oak Beeennnch.


Blow Popper


Who knew that blowing up is so hard to do – well, besides those Macy’s-branded Thanksgiving paraders…



This robot dog invention will totally and completely replace the love and affection you get from a real dog!

Mapiper Syrup


We only get syrup from the most delicious dogwood trees around. And just think of all the delicious things you can use this for: pancakes, flapjacks, hot cakes, silver dollars, griddle cakes, and spaghetti. Warm up with our syrup. Don’t trust our competiPipers over at Maple Piperup because they make swill.



/ˈpäm(ə)ˌɡranət/ –


  1. an orange-sized fruit with a tough reddish outer skin and sweet red gelatinous flesh containing many seeds.
  2. the tree that bears the pomegranate, which is native to North Africa and western Asia and has long been cultivated.
  3. a stone statue of the interior side of a hand.


2018 Resolutions: More Mehxercise


Hi, I’m Gymillennial. Welcome to your first 2018 session at Globo-Joe. Here we’ll get you pumped, get you swole, but most importantly, get you woke. We have a number of facilities you can try – or skip – we. don’t. care. Just get out and Mehexercise!


Come down to our Noga studio. But, shh! The soothing muscle relaxation also means that our preferred customers (i.e. you) can take advantage of our memory foam yoga mats and our memory foam pillows in your very own way. Delightful.


Just a short Segway ride away we come to our downhill bike section. You really can ride these without handlebars – because they work off of gravity!


Our sauna is just your standard, ordinary steam room, which you might want to hit up after trying our…


Treadmeal station. Keep up the good work, Todd. Work those glutes – And those glutens!

But that’s our little corner of the gymniverse. Sign up today, because we don’t expect you to come back tomorrow!


It’s beginning to look a lot like Piper