VamPipre says, “You catch more flies with a steak for the heart instead of a stake…for the heart.”


Shady Piper


Throwing shade is cool…


If you’re like a tree or an awning or something.

TemPipery Tattoo


For all the real Piper fans, WE have an exciting offer to tell YOU about!

Life Hack: Piper Style #getonourlevel Sale!

Simply save the image posted above of Piper on bench to your computer, then open it up in whatever photo viewing software that may be enabled on your specific computing system device (usually, you can just double click on the .jpg [or .png] file that you have saved to your computer’s local hard drive, and it will open up your default photo viewing software*), and finally print out your very own TEMPORARY PIPER TATTOOS at NO** cost to you!



Just in time for two (or more*) days after the Emmys, Piper is offering a special “Red Carpet – Paparazzi Special” to anybody with enough cash** and enough gusto to think they can make it in Hollywood.

Pull up in style in this fancy Rolls Royce limousine. Meet Hollywood legends like James Bond. This package has it all.

Just come on down to Piper’s-Razzi located just off the interstate in beautiful Hollywood, Florida and tell ’em Piper sent ya.

Total Eclipse of the Bark


“Post Giamatti, you can move the moon now. I’m over this eclipse – and I’m thinking we can get Truman* in a huge frenzy if we have another one, like, tomorrow. Right everybody? That would just freak him right out!”


*We are all Truman. You. Me. Your sister. The people tirelessly producing this thing called life.



This is no ordinary Piperchu – this one has evolved into a Piperonabenchu.



Gentlemen, I present to you the fastest, greenest, most efficient human transport system ever: The Piperloop.


See, by utilizing the collective efforts of our lowest form of life here on Earth VII, we can bring some good back to their continued existence on our beautiful planet AND get cheap, easily replaceable energy to power it.

Jalapeno Pipers


Things are heating up with this post. So, cool off with this recipe for some Jalapeno Pipers.


Did I actually make these? No. Because I’m a dog.*



More like Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxie* 500.


Or was it this Hitchhiker’s Guide?



Have a seat and you can see
the problems that you are having with your A/C machine

– the reason your room feels like a hundred degrees –
– the why that concludes with you not feeling a breeze –

is because your A/C unit can’t condition the air
when it’s sitting in a chair

and when it’s not plugged in,
it’s no more useful than sunburned skin.