Bench

Sean Spiper

SeanSpiper

I’ve called this press conference behind this finest faux White House podium that a  bench can make, sold exclusively through ‘The Finest Faux White House Podiums that a Bench Can Make Emporium’ on etsy, to let each and every single, individual one of you know, personally, that, yeah, we all had a good ribbing at my expense, but now, NOW, I say, who’s feeling dumb?

YOU.

And who is looking better and better every day?

That’s right. Me.

Me and George Dubya.

And my announcement? The reason I’ve called this?

We’re going on tour! Everybody else seems to be going on tours, so I am happy to extend invitations to all of you. I don’t know where we’ll go or how we’ll get there, but it’s time.

Thank you.

No questions.

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St. Piperk’s Day

stpiperks

“Woah, Piperk, wake up, man. The holiday is over – you gotta get up and go to work!” said Leprechaun #1.

Leprechaun #2 followed up, “Yeah, and we’ll make sure these don’t go to waste.”

Leprechaun #1 chuckles, “Heh-heh, waste.”

Piper

Piper

“Look, lady, I just install the pipes. That’s what my ‘P’ stands for: Piper. You’re going to need to call a plumber. Actually, I think there are some brothers running a racket you can try.”

Blow Popper

BlowPiper

Who knew that blowing up is so hard to do – well, besides those Macy’s-branded Thanksgiving paraders…

Tuesday Morning Piperback

Jim Harbaugh

Piper is ready to come off the Bench and dig the team out of this hole.

Notable stats:

Interceptions: 0

Fumbles: 0

Points given to the other team: 0

Sacked: 0 times

Enjoys an ice cold milk with a juicy steak

 

HitchPiper’s Guide to the Galaxy

HitchPiper

For all the brave explorers: As far as traversing the Milky Way, make sure you wait for a ship at a bus stop with frequent traffic.

A Real Night Mare

NightMare

Hidey-ho, neighbor. No need to be frightened: this Night Mare on Elm Street just wants some candy.

CheaPiper Halloween Mask

For those price conscious fans*, don’t trust the Piper and Bench masks at the store. Simply print out whichever one you want to be and cut along the dotted lines. …

And add some type of string to attach it to your head.mask1

mask2