dogs

PaPiper the Rapper

PaPiper

I don’t have anything clever to say about this game because I never played it. But in keeping with the theme, here’s The Jaggerz’s 1970 hit “The Rapper.”

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Sean Spiper

SeanSpiper

I’ve called this press conference behind this finest faux White House podium that a  bench can make, sold exclusively through ‘The Finest Faux White House Podiums that a Bench Can Make Emporium’ on etsy, to let each and every single, individual one of you know, personally, that, yeah, we all had a good ribbing at my expense, but now, NOW, I say, who’s feeling dumb?

YOU.

And who is looking better and better every day?

That’s right. Me.

Me and George Dubya.

And my announcement? The reason I’ve called this?

We’re going on tour! Everybody else seems to be going on tours, so I am happy to extend invitations to all of you. I don’t know where we’ll go or how we’ll get there, but it’s time.

Thank you.

No questions.

Piperbole

Piperbole

“Oh yeah? Well one time I caught a fish…

Shrimper at the North Sea not far from Helgoland (Germany)

Shrimper at the North Sea not far from Helgoland (Germany)

…thiiiiiiiiiis big.”

Piperishable Post

Piperishable

Fellow Americans, Happy Freedom Day! And to all the countries we’ve failed to actually bring freedom to, we’re sorry. This Bud’s on us.

ExPiperian

ExPiperian

Piper and the gents shut down their dark web browsers and start locking up their ExPiperian computers from deep within the underground: Basement Level 3.

Piper: “Now that we’ve successfully hacked every important number and maiden name in our competitor’s database, we can finally close up shop!”

Hentchman Gent #1: “But what about all of the kids who are just now getting credit scores?”

Piper: “Boot up the computers.”

OctoPipers

octopipers

“In a totally original and absolutely new idea, an OctoPiper seems to be taking over the southern San Francisco Bay area.” said the newscaster. “More at 6.”

Commissioner Paiper

Paiper

As your Federal Communications Commission Commissioner, and totally real human you guys, I just want to announce that this website you are currently viewing will never EVER* sell out to a higher media company that will change the content in any way that would delegitimize the truth that we represent.

Signed,

A. Paiper

A. Paiper is a subsidiary of Verizon Communications, LLC., Sinclair Broadcasting Inc., and sweet, delicious Reese’s peanut butter cups – what a great thing to eat any time.