dogs

Mr. Piper’s Penguins

No. No. No.

MrPiper

I’m trying to teach you the Fortnite dance – not the Fork-Knife dance.

Oh, you wacky penguins, how you ever did change my life!

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Piperorities

Pipeney1

For you elected me when I was but a humble boy*, and I told you I would look out for you, my fellow people.GOP Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney Campaigns In Michigan

But now I am a humble politician, so I will only look out for my fellow politicians.

*dog on a bench

Trick’d or treat

Why, who is that under that William Shatner mask…GASP!MichaelShatner

But, wait! OMG it’s Michael Myers underneath that!

MichaelMyers

There couldn’t possibly be anymore tricks—

PiperMyers

Oh, it’s Piper! I guess this is a Piper post after all…but is that really Piper under there?

BenchalMyers

What kind of Scooby Doo nonsense is this?! Is Old Man Jenkins underneath that!?

Oh, wait, no. This is the end of the post.

So, uh, have a Happy Halloween Remake (2018).

 

 

Pipe’ Tarts with Cheese

Iowa_Cornfield

Being the worlds traveler that Piper is, she likes to enjoy the local deli-cacies whenever somewhere new. So, now that she made it to Iowa, the first thing on her agenda was to grab a pop tart and cheese sandwich – oversized, of course.

Rowdy Piper

RowdyPiper

I have come here to chew bubblegum and wrassle. And I’m all out of bubblegum.

Gonzo Pipers

GonzoPipers copy

“We can’t stop here. This is cat country!”

PaPiper the Rapper

PaPiper

I don’t have anything clever to say about this game because I never played it. But in keeping with the theme, here’s The Jaggerz’s 1970 hit “The Rapper.”

Sean Spiper

SeanSpiper

I’ve called this press conference behind this finest faux White House podium that a  bench can make, sold exclusively through ‘The Finest Faux White House Podiums that a Bench Can Make Emporium’ on etsy, to let each and every single, individual one of you know, personally, that, yeah, we all had a good ribbing at my expense, but now, NOW, I say, who’s feeling dumb?

YOU.

And who is looking better and better every day?

That’s right. Me.

Me and George Dubya.

And my announcement? The reason I’ve called this?

We’re going on tour! Everybody else seems to be going on tours, so I am happy to extend invitations to all of you. I don’t know where we’ll go or how we’ll get there, but it’s time.

Thank you.

No questions.