“Oh? Did you think I came all this way to France to congratulate you?”


“Oh, no, brother! I’m here from the future to say you, yes you, better be ready for 2026, brother! Now cue my theme song!”




“Oh yeah? Well one time I caught a fish…

Shrimper at the North Sea not far from Helgoland (Germany)

Shrimper at the North Sea not far from Helgoland (Germany)

…thiiiiiiiiiis big.”

Piperishable Post


Fellow Americans, Happy Freedom Day! And to all the countries we’ve failed to actually bring freedom to, we’re sorry. This Bud’s on us.

Take Your Dog to Work Day

Today would have been a Piperfect day to post, but I’ve been caught being lazy again – but not so lazy that I actually posted this earlier, and upon closer inspection, alas, it had not posted.

So, now I’m posting it again – and vis-a-vis, etc., yadda, all in all, and so forth, not that lazy!




Piper and the gents shut down their dark web browsers and start locking up their ExPiperian computers from deep within the underground: Basement Level 3.

Piper: “Now that we’ve successfully hacked every important number and maiden name in our competitor’s database, we can finally close up shop!”

Hentchman Gent #1: “But what about all of the kids who are just now getting credit scores?”

Piper: “Boot up the computers.”



Piper, Bench and Justice are now Judge, Jury and Executioner. Coming this fall to Fox.

This time the gavel’s coming down – on you criminals’ heads!



“In a totally original and absolutely new idea, an OctoPiper seems to be taking over the southern San Francisco Bay area.” said the newscaster. “More at 6.”

Commissioner Paiper


As your Federal Communications Commission Commissioner, and totally real human you guys, I just want to announce that this website you are currently viewing will never EVER* sell out to a higher media company that will change the content in any way that would delegitimize the truth that we represent.


A. Paiper

A. Paiper is a subsidiary of Verizon Communications, LLC., Sinclair Broadcasting Inc., and sweet, delicious Reese’s peanut butter cups – what a great thing to eat any time.