“Oh? Did you think I came all this way to France to congratulate you?”


“Oh, no, brother! I’m here from the future to say you, yes you, better be ready for 2026, brother! Now cue my theme song!”




“Oh yeah? Well one time I caught a fish…

Shrimper at the North Sea not far from Helgoland (Germany)

Shrimper at the North Sea not far from Helgoland (Germany)

…thiiiiiiiiiis big.”

Piperishable Post


Fellow Americans, Happy Freedom Day! And to all the countries we’ve failed to actually bring freedom to, we’re sorry. This Bud’s on us.

Pipress Junket

Los Angeles Global Premiere For Marvel Studios' "Ant-Man And The Wasp"

Michelle Piper goes full Danielle Day Lewis for her latest role – taking it so far as to get permanent work done for what is essentially an extended cameo. When pressed for comment, she initially told us to ‘buzz off’, but since this is a pipromotional event, she came back and said, “Nothing in Hollywood is permanent. And no one.”

Take Your Dog to Work Day

Today would have been a Piperfect day to post, but I’ve been caught being lazy again – but not so lazy that I actually posted this earlier, and upon closer inspection, alas, it had not posted.

So, now I’m posting it again – and vis-a-vis, etc., yadda, all in all, and so forth, not that lazy!


Piper Mache

Learn how to Piper Mache in three easy steps!


Step One: You’re going to want to get yourself a fine cup of coffee. Mmm mmm. Just can’t start your day without it. French pressed. Or Freedom pressed if you’re more of a K-cup man. Me – I just want it hot, but not too hot, ya know?

Okay, okay. You got me. Y’all came here to learn how to Piper Mache, so I will teach you how to Piper Mache.

The REAL Step One: Find yourself a nice graphite absorbing reconstituted pulverized tree particle delivery unit, pressed firm – now they can come in packs of singles OR, or you can get them fastened together with spiraled metal. Ah, the wonders of modern science.

Anyway, that takes us to Step


Step Two is where the real action starts – where the meek become the mild – and things start to take shape, literally!

Right before your eyes, as you crumple those individual papers – (that’s what Step Two is: crumpling the papers) Anyway, I know you’re excited to see what’s next as indicated by the exclamation point at the end of this sentence!


If you guessed Step Three, then someone’s in line for an honorary doctorate!

It’s Step Three!

Step Three is simply to complete the project. Oh, oh, oh and enjoy your Piper Mache. And your delicious, small batch, organic, freshly-ground home roast from the fine folks at Maxwell House. Our house is a very very very fine house. Enjoy that too. I know I did!



This is all proPipertary material and is only allowed to be used in conjunction with Piper Mache Enterprises: A Teaching for the Future Initiative, LLC and its affiliates.



Piper and the gents shut down their dark web browsers and start locking up their ExPiperian computers from deep within the underground: Basement Level 3.

Piper: “Now that we’ve successfully hacked every important number and maiden name in our competitor’s database, we can finally close up shop!”

Hentchman Gent #1: “But what about all of the kids who are just now getting credit scores?”

Piper: “Boot up the computers.”



Piper, Bench and Justice are now Judge, Jury and Executioner. Coming this fall to Fox.

This time the gavel’s coming down – on you criminals’ heads!