Halloween EmPiporium


Are you a Halloween villain or bad guy monster? Well, come on down to the Halloween EmPiporium and pick up what YOU need for the season.

We’ve got a vast selection of drills, chainsaws, machetes, weedeaters, and more. And this month only, make sure you utilize our buy 10 get 1 free deal – you never know when you’ll need a backup!


Pipe’ Tarts with Cheese


Being the worlds traveler that Piper is, she likes to enjoy the local deli-cacies whenever somewhere new. So, now that she made it to Iowa, the first thing on her agenda was to grab a pop tart and cheese sandwich – oversized, of course.

Rowdy Piper


I have come here to chew bubblegum and wrassle. And I’m all out of bubblegum.

Gonzo Pipers

GonzoPipers copy

“We can’t stop here. This is cat country!”



“Are there any problems with your Corporation-branded goods or appliances? Is there something you would want to watch over Corporate-controlled broadcast airwaves? Is the Corporation factory-farmed food making you sick? I’m from the Corporation, and I’m here to help. Just send any complaints to #comcast customer service. It’s the only department we’ve kept since we successfully took over.”

Piper, Kelly [actress]


When English writerrier, Clive Barker, sat down to, well, write his most famous movie, Rawhead Rex, he had one actress in particular that he knew would really chew the scene, the world-renowned Kelly Piper.

PaPiper the Rapper


I don’t have anything clever to say about this game because I never played it. But in keeping with the theme, here’s The Jaggerz’s 1970 hit “The Rapper.”

Pipered In


One football stadium, which may or may not have previously pipered in crowd noise, has decided to go one step further and pipe in the actual crowd with celebrity cutouts they know people will want pay thousands of dollars to sit beside.

Sean Spiper


I’ve called this press conference behind this finest faux White House podium that a  bench can make, sold exclusively through ‘The Finest Faux White House Podiums that a Bench Can Make Emporium’ on etsy, to let each and every single, individual one of you know, personally, that, yeah, we all had a good ribbing at my expense, but now, NOW, I say, who’s feeling dumb?


And who is looking better and better every day?

That’s right. Me.

Me and George Dubya.

And my announcement? The reason I’ve called this?

We’re going on tour! Everybody else seems to be going on tours, so I am happy to extend invitations to all of you. I don’t know where we’ll go or how we’ll get there, but it’s time.

Thank you.

No questions.